MARCH 2010

i never thought i knew it all but i always thought i had a sense
of lights and sounds, like these sirens and this sunset.

so while i'm sitting still and keeping quiet,
i want to modify my memory and think of something real to be.
let me be the moment of truth. the one exchanged with a knowing look in a car in a parking lot after the conversation has fallen short and spirits have fallen further. let me be the words that you want to hear when i'm falling apart and you believed in me so much.

and i'm worried that were growing up and covering ourselves
in all these things we care about so much, as if we can give them truth, as if the world is ours to bend and break. i want to be humble, i want to accept that i am irrelevant, i want the language to know that i am a lower-case "i".

let me be something that you don't care about anymore. let me turn red like blood when i am exposed to the air. the still in the air before the thunderstorm and the rain.

i only smile when i feel obligated to.
i breathe out of necessity.
i am a typo in a textbook.
i am malfunctioning machinery, outwardly working perfectly,
when i explode, please forget me, and write me out of memory.
painful evidence of a perfect plan gone wrong, let me be the exception to the rule.