another useless confession

i think that sometimes you forget,

that i'm only so tall, 

so strong, 

so smart.

and i'm trying, i'm trying.

i mean it so earnestly,

i don't think i've ever meant anything more.

but it's never been this hard.

i mean it so earnestly,

i don't think i've ever meant anything more.

that, i suppose,

is 'trying' by definition.

it's choices- all choices.

i don't even make my own choices.

my choices make me.

i won't be everything.

if i could i wouldn't.

i won't be happy.

if i could i would- but it's so far out of everyone's reach.

but i will run.

i know i will run. 

i couldn't stop running if i wanted to.

and it makes me content, because i'm chasing happiness.

and what i've realized is, 

chasing something,

even if you know you will never catch it-

makes you content.

i'm going to run, and i'm going to fly.

and i will be proud.

you will be proud.

the sun will be proud and the sky will be proud.

every road i have ever walked on will be proud.

minutes and hours and days will be proud. 

the rain and the snow and the haze will be proud.

everyone and everything and every time and every place.

all proud for me,

all happy for me.

because people are only capable of being happy for someone,

never for themselves.

and i am me for me,

and i am me for you.

i am going to stare up at the clouds and know,

that someday somewhere i will be under the same sky,

in different clothes, in a different time,

but the sky is proud, and i am proud.

i am only so tall,

so strong,

so smart.

i am only so me,

i am only so happy.

and i've never meant anything more earnestly.