i apologize

for me, and for you,

and all the clouds in the sky.

i'm sorry for the city's lights,

i'm sorry for the brightness of the night.

i'm sorry you cant sleep,

and i'm sorry about your sheets.

i didn't mean to steal them,

but left alone in your house-

i got scared and took a piece of you.

i'm sorry for everything i never did.

(am i doomed to live in the past?

the regrets i feel are the regrets,

of never taking the time to regret.)

i saw you sitting there,

day after day. 

but one humans warmth can't heat the earth,

and that patch of grass- 

was just as damp and cold as the next one.

and for that, i apologize.

the security of heavy blankets

sitting in silence,

meaning is sinking into words all around me.

i feel tired and scared.

i'm covered, 

i'm covered.

such a glorious waste of sleep

growing up, wasting time-

and running away from home..

there's never enough hours in the day,

i'm going to run away,

i swear i'll run away.

i'm gonna try and catch time, 

and find a place to stay.

dear mike mulligan,

when we were little,

the sun was a mystery happily left unsolved.

if i could take one thing back,

i would never have asked where it went at night.

flying down highways in the passenger seat,

please, please, please.

bring the sun back, it's a night of blinking lights,

and crashing sounds flashing in the sky..

tell me,

where did all the stars go?

me and my absentee ballot

sometimes i get that feeling-

slowly creeping down my spine,

and i feel like i could run forever into the twilight.

as if forgetting everything i cared about

could grant me the levity to fly.

as if forgetting who i am

could give me the energy to live.

as if..

i only get this way after dark.

time can't fly because it doesn't have wings

i fall asleep sad,

and wake up indifferent.

somewhere between the dismal gray of dawn,

and 11:59 that night,

things becomes a little harder to bear.

there is nothing more miserable,

than lying awake in bed-

listening to a thousand and one lonely crickets.

change stays the same

everything is so wrong these days.

i don't know how i'm supposed to feel,

in the end i'm nothing but sad-

i can't even decide if it's a prerequisite,

or a direct consequence of a bigger thing.

i never gave any season any permission,

to swallow me and chew me up-

spitting me out the same person in different clothes.

and here i am all over again,

at the same desk, the same light,

(one of the bulbs has burned out)

wondering if ramen noodles and the early november

can get me through the fall semester..

i will give you anything,

if you could make me warm dry and lonely.

i've been so fucking emotional lately.

scaring myself, late at night

i need something,

other than legs-

to break my fall.

what if my legs are already broken?

and i don't even know it..