united for a common cause:

who could call us friends?

planned, scheduled, figured out.

not the calm, calculated kids, who

figured out the mysteries of the world-

like trails from jets we streaked

(across the sky, but we were only temporary).

this was me, a flaming memory.

defeated, dejected, down.

whatever happened to my memory?

people and places spill out at the seams.

i was young, i was naive, full of dreams,

as i tried to catch every falling leaf

(oh, how they darted and dived on

hidden currents of air invisible to my eyes).

this was me, a soaring dream, a floating leaf.

desperate, drained, young.

the times when the floor

is a more comfortable bed-

the shaking in my hands, the pounding in my head-

(thoughts are threatening, ever threatening,

like clouds of saline rain over the ocean.

the waves turn black and sweep me away).

this was me. this is it.

i think i will, rest my head.

i wish more than anything i could give it all away,

give it all up, and give myself up.

pull me, tear me, bend me, break me,

whatever you will, i won't-

(no, i can't) fight you anymore.

if you can't believe me, then leave me be-

i used to try and write stories

but then someone told me, 

that i should start with the beginning and the end,

and then filling in the rest should be easy.

so i tried it, and it ruined me.

if you're going to a place you don't want to go,

then what really matters, 

is how you get there...

so many unfinished stories.

i sit in this chair, every single day,

without exception.

but then there will be a time

when i won't even sit in this room every day.

but then someone told me, 

that the first step to fixing your problems

was acknowledging the truth.

and i sit here every day,

and i am sad here most days.

but then someday i won't even sit in this room,

and the moments when i realize

that this is the happiest i have ever been,

and will probably ever be...

they ruin me.