and here i am again

back on my back,

back on my bed,

staring at the designs on the ceiling..

blink and they're gone,

blink and they're gone.

another useless confession

i think that sometimes you forget,

that i'm only so tall, 

so strong, 

so smart.

and i'm trying, i'm trying.

i mean it so earnestly,

i don't think i've ever meant anything more.

but it's never been this hard.

i mean it so earnestly,

i don't think i've ever meant anything more.

that, i suppose,

is 'trying' by definition.

it's choices- all choices.

i don't even make my own choices.

my choices make me.

i won't be everything.

if i could i wouldn't.

i won't be happy.

if i could i would- but it's so far out of everyone's reach.

but i will run.

i know i will run. 

i couldn't stop running if i wanted to.

and it makes me content, because i'm chasing happiness.

and what i've realized is, 

chasing something,

even if you know you will never catch it-

makes you content.

i'm going to run, and i'm going to fly.

and i will be proud.

you will be proud.

the sun will be proud and the sky will be proud.

every road i have ever walked on will be proud.

minutes and hours and days will be proud. 

the rain and the snow and the haze will be proud.

everyone and everything and every time and every place.

all proud for me,

all happy for me.

because people are only capable of being happy for someone,

never for themselves.

and i am me for me,

and i am me for you.

i am going to stare up at the clouds and know,

that someday somewhere i will be under the same sky,

in different clothes, in a different time,

but the sky is proud, and i am proud.

i am only so tall,

so strong,

so smart.

i am only so me,

i am only so happy.

and i've never meant anything more earnestly.

awake and dreaming

they say no one dreams anymore.

that's what they say.

but i do ...

i do.

aye, do.

what are dreams but eye dew?

and the time is ripe for dreaming.

the world has never been so big,

and you, you and your thoughts-

are part of something so huge.

'cause somewhere, high above our heads,

decisions are being made,

and our dreams are what makes them-

not just our dreams-

but the dream. 

there is a dream for the oceans,

and a dream for the mountains,

a dream for the sky and the clouds,

and a dream for noises and sound.

and all the dreams you've ever dreamed,

and all the lights you've ever seen.

every word on every page of every book-

and every dream in every house on every night.

this is all the dream.

this is all a dream.

such is our life built on dreams,

and such is the way of the world.

for better or for worse,

i am a dreamer.

another day

and another night,

i'm cold, and wide awake.

i have circles like bruises,

and my eyes, they never shut all the way.

it's a cold night and i am grateful,

i'm holding onto something strong.

i'm going to make it out,

i'm going to make it out.